Imagine this scenario:
You’re a defendant in a lawsuit that you think is bogus. The plaintiffs constantly fire volleys of arrows and missiles over your bow in apparent attempts to threaten you, scare you, terrify you, or entice you to make stupid mistakes as you attempt to defend yourself; trying to get you off balance and all fired up so that you react instead of thinking about an objective response.
When you meet with your attorney, after having read the plaintiff’s umpteenth response brief, you are hot, angry and fortified with thousands of knee-jerk reactions that sound great to you and include emotional strategies like “storming the castle, taking no prisoners, and executing a scorched-earth strategy of revenge and retribution.”
Your sage and ever-calm counsel ALWAYS repeats this phrase in a refined, polished, and graceful Southern accent, after listening to your grief-filled anger and frustration: “Well, that might be fun, but it probably wouldn’t be helpful.”
WHAT?!?! How could someone be so calm about the outrageous things that were being said about you? What about the baseless accusations and your reputation? You were prepared to launch a righteous crusade to right the wrongs. Of course, it never crossed your mind that you couldn’t ride a horse or effectively handle a suit of heavy iron mail and a pointed helmet, right?
Low and behold, once the litigation ended, you realized your attorney was right! Taking a deep breath, considering your options from an objective position rather than an emotional one, and responding accordingly was the key to not only maintaining your emotional stability, but also not making mistakes that could have had significant, long-lasting negative results. Emotional reactions don’t often turn out well, and learning this lesson helped you avoid behavior that you might later regret.
While this imaginary scenario may have never happened to you, it happens to thousands of people every day. How many times are you triggered by something someone else thinks, says or does, and you react with emotional, half-cocked ideas that seem wise, justified (and fun) at first but later turn out to have been highly ineffective? Yeah, if you’re like me, it’s happened a lot in the past. But while I’m sometimes slow, I’ve come to really appreciate this idea of not allowing myself to get “emotionally hijacked!”
Mel Robbins, in her book “The Let Them Theory,” explains her spin on this concept in detail. Since we have no control over what other people think, say, and do, only how we respond, we need to “Let Them” think, say, and do what they are going to think, say, and do. Then we need to “Let Me” respond in the appropriate manner. After all, that’s all we really have control over, right? (Robbins cautions readers that this ONLY works for adults; children need certain controls to avoid potentially tragic results!)
So, now you have the opportunity to handle the next trigger event with greater calm, aplomb and objectivity without allowing the perpetrator to rile you up. As my mom used to say, “Don’t let the turkeys get to you!”
Going after someone while you’re fueled with feelings of anger, hatred, frustration, righteous indignation, or any number of other negative emotional responses might feel good, even fun, in the moment but it is probably not going to be helpful.
The hard truth is, when you react from an emotional place, you become powerless in the perpetrator’s eyes. They can quickly see that what they thought, said, or did successfully got to you and caused a reaction. It also consumes you and causes needless stress and anxiety, neither of which do you need to effectively navigate a challenging situation.
When you refuse to succumb to the short-lived “fun” reaction and instead, go for the well-thought out, objective, and unemotional response, you are usually set up for a far better outcome.
Give it a try the next time someone tries to trigger you. “Well, that might be fun, but it probably wouldn’t be helpful.” can live firmly in your memory once you learn this lesson. Add the Southern twang and these words of wisdom will be fun to remember for the rest of your life!