As the adage goes, “no one’s getting out of here alive,” so why not consider the five most often mentioned “regrets” of those who have gone before us, and use them for the rest of the time you have left?
Along with these five “regrets,” Ware shares her own life story with all its ups and downs and shares how she navigated those challenges. I’ve taken the liberty to interpret the five regrets through a communication lens. Check it out below:
- Ware reports that the most common regret was, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Wow! This one hit me in the feels, not only in my own life, but also in the lives of many of my friends and clients. Authenticity in communication—whether you’re a leader or a new team member—is not just a personal virtue; it’s imperative. The ability to speak and act in alignment with who you truly are builds trust, loyalty, and influence. Many of my clients present themselves in meetings and in life as if they are living behind a facade. This makes it difficult for their authenticity to shine through, causing observers to wonder where the “real” person is and why they’re hiding.
- The next common regret was, “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” Beneath this regret lies a familiar communication issue: unrealistic expectations and unclear boundaries. Many professionals overextend themselves because they don’t know how to clearly say ‘no’ or negotiate priorities and boundaries. Strong communication skills enable individuals and teams to establish healthier boundaries, engage in honest conversations about workload and work-life balance, and prioritize living a stress-free life both personally and at work.
- Ware also heard, “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” This regret echoes in the workplace as much as it does in personal life. People hold back thoughts, ideas, appreciation, or even concerns because they’re afraid of how they’ll be judged or how their thoughts will be received. Over time, this silence creates emotional distance and missed opportunities for connection.
- The fourth regret, “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends,” reminds us that relationships, whether personal or professional, require nurturing to be maintained. Too often, we let “busyness” and daily life distractions become an excuse for why we fail to stay connected with those with whom we have developed solid friendships. Sadly, Ware’s patients were at the end of their lives, longing for another chat with a dear friend from the past; all too late, because they had just not stayed in touch. They didn’t make it a priority…and then it was lost. People often feel sad when they realize that a valued relationship is too far gone to be resurrected. Sure, we frequently “outgrow” certain relationships, but we all know the ones that were foundational in defining who we are as we move through life. Actively communicating with both old and new friends is key to maintaining lasting relationships. And let’s face it, when we are in touch with old friends, we tend to be happier. Which leads us to the final regret of the dying.
- “I wish I had let myself be happier.” Wow! It’s all about the choices we make. Sometimes we are at some level of depression, grief, or general sadness and can’t see the possibilities of the future. We often find ourselves stuck in roles, jobs, or communication patterns that are rigid, unauthentic, stressful, or overly guarded because our unhappiness consumes us. Viktor Frankl, renowned psychologist and Auschwitz survivor said in response to questions about how he and others survived the horrors of a Nazi death camp: “Everything can be take n from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms; to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances…to choose one’s own way.” Authentic communication can be real, warm, light-hearted—even happy if you decide to be real, warm, light-hearted and…happier. Pro Tip: it’s also contagious to others!
Ultimately, how we communicate is often how we’re remembered—not just by what we say, but also by how we behave and, ultimately, how we make other people feel. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying teaches us that the cost of silence, inauthenticity, and disconnection is too high. That’s why this work matters. Whether you’re leading a team, giving a keynote, or navigating a tough conversation, the time to speak with clarity, courage, and compassion is now.
If this message resonates with you—if you’re ready to communicate with greater intention and fewer regrets—I’d love to support your journey. Let’s talk.